Sunday, February 2, 2014

Two Years Ago Today

I can't believe it's been two years. Two years since the word "normal" flew out our window and is still flying around somewhere. Two years ago I received the phone call that Mom's surgery didn't go as expected. Two years ago that the word "cancer" became "normal" in our home. Two years ago that doctor visits became a normal occurrence. Two years ago that hospitals almost became a second home. Two years ago that the beginning of the end commenced. And we had no idea.

You can read all about the moment I received that phone call and the events leading up to and the events that followed that moment HERE.

When Mom was first diagnosed with Ovarian cancer, there was no question in our mind that she would be healed. She was leaps and bounds ahead of all of us on the healthy scale. She's the only one in our family who exercised regularly, and she was always the one to initiate the "No Sugar for a Month" or "No Carbs for a Week" or the "Who Can Go the Longest Without Drinking a Coke" competition. And she typically won them all. She was a champion. She was so vibrant and so full of life.

She had already been miraculously spared from AIDS (which took my dad) 18 years prior to this measly cancer diagnosis. In our minds, cancer had nothing on her.

Boy, were we wrong.

Here we are today, two years later, and she's gone.
This still doesn't feel like real life.
It doesn't feel like MY life.

As I sang in church this morning, I was met with the beautiful reminder that the same God I am singing to from down here, is the same God my Mom is seeing and singing to face-to-face. I imagine that she is singing the same song as me, that we are singing in unison, and for a moment I feel connected to her. That's the only thing that we can really still do together - worship our great God.

I miss her.

Those words seem so puny. So off the mark. So NOT close to how I really feel. I feel as though I am doing her an injustice by only being able to say that I miss her. But I do. I miss her from the deepest, darkest, most soul-jerking place inside of me. I miss her.

I want to say thank you to our friend Kelly Stamps (from KELLY'S KORNER BLOG) and to Wyley Elliot, editor of Celebrate Arkansas Magazine, for writing a beautiful tribute to my Mom. I really am speechless about this precious gift and the time that was taken to put this together. You can see the article below:

Photo taken from Celebrate Magazine HERE
To read the article and see the actual Celebrate Magazine you can go here.

Today brings many emotions - most of which are sad ones - as I remember and realize that two years ago today marked the beginning of the end of Mom's journey here on earth. I miss her deeply, but I am thankful for the reminders of the difference she made while she was here with us. I am so proud of my Mom. I love you, Mom!

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."


  1. I too had the life changing day where I found out my mom had cancer and this time it was terminal if you ever want to chat email me at jamie. klapper at gmail

    1. Jamie, I'm so sorry you, too, have had to experience this same kind of phone call. It's the pits and the absolute worst!