Thursday, September 27, 2018

Remembering Our First Two Years

We are quickly approaching Lucy's second birthday. Two years. Two years of this precious life. As October 6th draws near, I find myself reminiscing more and more about what these past two years have looked like. Trying to remember those earliest days with her. Trying to recount what our days looked like when we first brought her home.

It's amazing how quickly and easily you can forget.

When you're in the midst of your days and your seasons, you always think, "There's no way I could forget all this." But somehow we do.

Lucy has become such a "normal" toddler. But honestly, what even is "normal?" I hate to even use that word. Maybe I should say "easy," but no toddler is easy. So regardless of what word I should or shouldn't use... life with her has just gotten abundantly easier.

We started out at home with a g-tube, an IV pole, a PulsOx monitor, a baby scale, home health visits, occupational therapy, physical therapy, cardiology appointments every 3 weeks, massive spit ups/vomits, condensing feeds trying to stretch her stomach to handle larger volumes, more vomitting, g-tube coming out which required a trip to the ER, heart surgery #2, dangerously low glucose level and another trip to the ER (because momma pushed too hard to get her to eat by mouth - big oops!), thickening liquids to help her drink by mouth, and the list goes on!

Where are we now? Well. If I were to cross out the things I listed above... I wouldn't have a list. Let me re-phrase that... I don't have a list!

Today, our days look very much like typical toddler days. Sure, she takes medicine 3 x's a day for arrhythmias, and she's got battle scars galore on her tiny body. But other than that, she's just a feisty little 2 year old who wants to do everything by herself, and she drives me absolutely insane!

Yes, she drives me insane. But let me counter that and also say, I literally cannot form words to put together a sentence to adequately convey the depth of my love for this little girl. I can't explain to you the fear that pulsed through my veins at the thought of losing her during those early days in CVICU. This is the little girl I've dreamed of since the day I told my mom (2 weeks before she left this earth), "Mom, someday if David and I have a little girl, I want to name her Lucy."

Why Lucy? Here is a snippet from one of my previous posts:

My mom's name was Janet, but Lucy was the sweetest nickname my dad called her. He never called her Janet - it was always Lucy. Okay, I can recall one time he called her Janet, and it was the strangest thing I ever heard come out of his mouth. Lucy. Her name, from him, was Lucy.
Lucy. Just her name... I just can't even tell you the sweetness of it. The sweetness of her.  Yes, she has her moments of being a complete toot (as does every toddler). But ask anyone who knows her... Lucy's personality is full of so much life, and laughter, and goofiness, and she knows it. The girl knows how to put on a show. She makes the funniest faces. She does the silliest little awkward walk when people are staring at her and she doesn't know what else to do (if you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about). She is learning how to talk now, and every new word that comes out her mouth... I just melt and ooh and ahh, and I just literally can't get enough of her.

If my husband reads this post, he will probably question everything I'm saying here. He sees the ugly side of my attitude toward her most days. I'll be honest and say I'm not a very patient person, and she knows how to push my buttons like no one else. But behind all my ugly moments with her, in the depths of my soul, I just love her beyond words. I wish I could package her up and send her to every single one of you reading this so you could experience her! I mean, good grief! She is alive and well today because of thousands and thousands of your prayers!

I can never ever thank everyone enough for all your prayers. We will be eternally grateful, and I mean that deeply. Eternally grateful. Thank you. Thank you for petitioning for and for fighting for life for our sweet girl.

I don't know where to go from there, so for now I will just end with some of my favorite pictures of our girl! Enjoy!

Snaggle-toothed girl

Sweet little somber Lucy, showing your that her
g-tube is gone!

Lucy and Hank :)