Here is a small snippet of some thoughts I wrote down earlier:
I still love God. I know I owe him my life. He sent Jesus to die for me. I know I cannot be saved apart from Him. I need Him. I desperately need Him. I am nothing without Him. I cannot thrive in this life without Him. But I'm so angry with Him. I am in a constant war. My flesh will not give up. My spirit wants to submit. To surrender. I want to be done fighting. But my flesh is so stubborn.
From the deepest part of my soul, I miss what life used to be. More than words could ever express. I cannot explain the ache I feel inside of me. The ripped apart, gaping, bleeding, breathless, empty hole.
I feel as though all my hopes and dreams have been shattered.
Please, today, I just ask for your prayers. I need hope. I need peace, and I need joy. I need to submit my will to His.
To those of you who have been praying for me, and to those of you who might say a short prayer in this moment, thank you.