Monday, January 6, 2014


I finally allowed myself to be sad. Since the day my mom went Home, I've been very busy and very surrounded by people - which has been good, but I've found it to be odd how "okay" I have been. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the "okay"-ness, fully relating it to God's grace, but I haven't allowed myself the time or the solitude to grieve. Since church was cancelled yesterday and our offices are closed today due to snow and strangely arctic temperatures, I decided this would be a good time to stop being so busy and preoccupied, and allow myself to remember.

I took time to remember my sweet momma, my best friend. I scrolled through old pictures of us on Facebook, thinking back to when things were "normal," before she was diagnosed and I thought she would be by my side forever. She was so full of life. She was adventurous. She loved seeking a good thrill. One of my favorite things to do with her was going to Six Flags in Arlington, Texas. Oh man, those of you who knew my mom know how much she loved roller coasters. And she knew that place like the back of her hand. I can picture her muscular, little bow-legged body speed walking, weaving back and forth through the crowds so we could enjoy as many rides as possible from open to close. A day at Six Flags was serious business, and she knew how to do it well.

 This is from my senior year in high school (2006) when we went with my best friend Jennifer and our moms - such a fun trip!

Here we are waiting in line for a ride - this was probably my sophomore or junior year of college. Bryan and Jenna were only dating at the time. And this was a terrible season for me when I used to color my hair out of a box... really bad idea.

This was my last trip to Six Flags with my mom just this past summer. I think most people might be sad to push their mom around in a wheelchair, but I actually loved it! Why? Well, for selfish reasons really... having a wheelchair meant waiting in no lines because we entered through the exit and got to sit wherever we wanted! And did I mention we never had to wait in line?! We rode every ride in less than two hours. So really, it was a dream come true for me and my mom!

Another favorite memory with my mom was when my brother and I both graduated college, and the three of us went sky diving together. What? YES. My mom jumped out of an airplane with us. I mean really, do you see why I love her so much???

 Pre-jump sporting those fashionable goggles and hitch-hikers thumbs

Post-jump. One of my favorite pictures of the three of us.

My heart misses her so much. 

It has felt good to finally allow myself to simply be sad and miss my mom. But even in the sadness, my heart still rejoices. I am thankful to know that I do "not grieve as others do who have no hope." (1 Thessalonians 4:13). This is not the end! We will not be separated forever. I so look forward to the day when we will be reunited in the presence of our Savior. My heart aches and longs for that day more than ever before!
Come quickly, Lord Jesus. Come quickly.

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."


  1. Thank you for sharing, sweet Jordan. Now every time I do something thrill seeking, I will think of your Mamma. She lives on.... you have my prayers and love.

  2. I remember one year we came for a visit when ya'll lived in Houston...of course your mom and Uncle Mike couldn't wait to go to Astroworld to ride the coasters!! The scarier the better!!

  3. Hi Jordan,
    I left a comment once on your mom's blog (not usually one to comment often). I feel lead to comment today. Your Mom's blog touched me so much. I not sure their if there is one specific reason, but I had similar stories within my own life. I lost my Mom at 24 to breast cancer, then over the last several years "cancer" touched down in my life once again. The "Cancer Cloud" as I called it seem to touch too many people I knew & loved! I lost my best friend just over a year & half ago to ovarian cancer. Truly faith was the only thing that kept me strong & grounded. I know one day I will be reunited with those I have lost.

    Your Mom"s faith during her trial was simply graceful. I hope I can show half that my grace in my life. Allow yourself to grieve as you are human, but rejoice in knowing where she is & that you will be together again one day.

    My thoughts & prayers are with your family.
    Take Care,

  4. Such a sweet post about you and your mom. I must sounds like she was a pretty cool gal. :)'

  5. Jordan,
    I am so sorry for your incredible loss. I ache for your entire family but my heart hurts more for you. I lost both of my parents 18 days apart in Aug and Sept so I do know some of what you are feeling. I won't pretend to know your inner most thoughts but I want you to know, it does get better. The ache, the sorrow, the profound feeling of missing someone eases as only God can allow. Grief is very personal and we all do so differently, there is no right or wrong way to grieve so don't worry if your feelings ebb and flow, it is natural. I pray for all of you and I know I'm in really good company there. Give yourself time. Thank you for sharing your grief so freely, the effect your Mother's story has had and will continue to have for the Kingdom is beyond our scope of knowledge. Take care of yourself!

  6. Such sweet words...thank you for sharing, your mother was such a Godly woman and an inspiration
    Kelly (

  7. Jordan,
    I have never met you and only read about your precious Mama a few weeks ago when Kelly posted a prayer request on her blog at Kelly's Korner. I found myself gravitating each day to your Mom's blog, and I feel like honestly, your Mom was a friend of mine. As are you and your sweet family. We are friends, friends in Jesus! I watched Mrs. Janet's memorial service online from Austin, Texas, and cried and cried. Let me explain.

    I am a Mom. I have 2 children, a daughter Mackenzie (7) and a son Jaxson (3). If I may, let me share this with you. Your Mom is so stinking proud of you and she loves you so so much! She is there with you always. I believe those who have passed before us find us and show themselves to us when we are quiet and listen with our hearts, not necessarily our ears. I find myself in my Grandma's presence every now and then, in the whisper of a cool breeze (or hot, I'm from Texas), or when I look up through the tree in my backyard and the sunlight forms a beautiful cross. I know she is there. Our losses are different, but I share the joy of motherhood, and the joy of having a daughter who is my best friend.

    From knowing your Mom in the few short days before her passing, she has taught me that in 2014 I need to become closer to Jesus and walk more in His presence every day. Mrs. Janet taught me how special a Mother/Daughter relationship is, and exactly the kind of Mom I want to be one day. She taught me what is was like to rejoice in the Lord and be happy to go Home. I want her grace, her dignity, her stoicism, her love. I want to be able to read scripture from the Bible before my physical body passes away, to speak in front of a camera without losing my composure and tell everyone how much I love them. To remind my children, family and friends that Jesus loves them too.

    I also want my daughter to be just like you. I want my little blue eyed blonde haired cutie of mine to love me like you loved your Mom. Since I also LOVE LOVE LOVE Six Flags and roller coasters, I want her to go with me, even after she's grown up. I want to go get pedicures together, and do many of the things you did with your Mom. Don't be mad at me for saying this when it may not make sense to you, but you are blessed. So very BLESSED. To have such an amazing Mom that lived her life giving so much to people she may never know or meet (me). She lived a FULL life, a life MOST people will never get to lead. She affected so many, and as much as I would like to hope and pray I had THOUSANDS of people watching my memorial one day, well, that will be something!

    Bless you and your sweet family, you continue to remain in my prayers.

    Hugs from Texas,

  8. What a simply beautiful post Jordan. So glad you are taking the time to grieve and remember your Mom in this special way. I love the pics and what an adventuresome soul she was. May your sweet memories carry you through these difficult time.

  9. I love reading your posts...what great memories!

  10. Remember that it is ok to grieve. It's natural. It's therapeutic. Oftentimes I think we expect ourselves to resume life as usual after a death, but life will not be the same without that loved one. That is a fact. With God on our side, we can get through the tough times. It's a slow process. God bless you!

  11. What a beautiful and precious Mom you have Jordan. I have followed her story though Kelly's Korner, praying for her often and was so sad to hear that she had crossed over to be with the Lord. I have had so much tragedy surrounding my life lately that when I read your words I cried for your loss too !! I thank Jesus that we have the hope of life everlasting and that we will be reunited with our loved ones sooner then we know. God Bless you and may He continue carrying you through this season gently and with the peace that only Our Savior can do!!

  12. If you're willing, I"d love to hear more about your biological Dad and Tony Pate

  13. Hello I just found your blog through KK. I appreciate your willingness to share so openly not only about your pain but also about your faith. I was saved when I was 7 and have a relationship with the Lord but have been really struggling with doubt lately. I am 30 and my mother is also my best friend. She is so precious to me there aren't really any words to describe how much I love her. Just two months ago so was diagnosed with ALS. The doctors at Vanderbilt have told us that she will be "lucky" to live two years but that her quality of life will begin to diminish immediately. I am terrified of living this life without her and am upset and angry. My parents are a typical middle class family and have no idea how they will make it through this financially. I too believe that I will see my saved loved ones in heaven but am still struggling with questions, like will I know them and will they know me? I am just having a hard time not being completely overwhelmed with a feeling of desperation and helplessness. My boyfriend actually just proposed to me on January 4th and although my first instinct was to call my mom, I haven't even told her yet because I just don't know how to since everyone in my family has been so devastated lately. My amazing grandfather who was a minister and hospice chaplain is dying of Alzheimer's too so everything is just compounded right now. My mom wants to help my grandparent's but also is grieving herself. I'm not sure why I felt compelled to write you. I guess right now I feel very lonely because I'm trying so hard to be strong for my parents. Thank you for letting me have a space to get this off of my chest. I am going to really study my Bible tonight and search for guidance because I have just been quickly reading and going through the motions lately. I need to feel close to our Heavenly Father, the great physician, and pray for my mother. I will also say a prayer for your sweet family. I am genuinely sorry for the loss of your precious mother.

    1. Hey Christi, I am so sorry to hear all of this. I would love to be able to share more with you about some things you mentioned in your comment. Please send me your email address!