12 Days In, Acts 27, and Steal of a Deal

12 days into March, and it's been so far so good. I have been exercising regularly and trying to take good care of myself. I feel better than I've felt in a very long time. I feel like my soul is coming to life again. I feel like I can finally feel again.

For so long, I have just felt so numb - not really sure what I was feeling. But today I can tell you, I am so thankful for the Truth He has been pouring into my life. I do feel like I am being refreshed. I do feel like I can breathe again. I feel like I am learning to walk again - in uncharted territory. I've never been in this place before, and I don't have a choice but to learn to find joy in this place. I feel like He is giving me moments of joy and, surprisingly, moments of "normalcy."

The biggest Truth that has been spoken into my life these past few days is to not focus on what is seen, but to focus on the unseen. For what is seen is temporary. This life is but a breath. This is not the end. I will never find satisfaction here. My heart will only be fully satisfied in Christ. I can't put my hope in things or in people here on earth. Everything here is finite. Death is part of life. I am not alone.

I really loved what I read today, and that's what I want to share with you. My counselor (also a long-time friend of my mom's) told me to read Acts 27, so I did, and here's what I learned...

Sometimes on our journey from Point A to Point B
(a journey ordained and willed by the Lord)
a storm will blow us to a land we weren't expecting.
We will find ourselves shipwrecked.
God has a purpose in the storm and in that unknown land
where you find yourself broken and torn,
and He will eventually lead you to Point B.

That's the summary of the lesson He taught me today. I'll break it down with specific verses from Acts 27 and 28...

27:1 - a journey ordained by the Lord (see Acts 23:11)
27:14 - the storm
27:20 - losing all hope
27:22, 25 - take heart in God's promises
27:39 - shipwrecked in an unknown land
28:10 - equipped with everything we need to finish the journey
28:14 - finally at Point B

I love verse 25, and I inserted my own name in it:

"So take heart, [Jordan], for I have faith in God
that it will be exactly as I have been told."

So then I had to ask myself, What have I been told? What are the promises I can cling to?

If you need a reminder of God's promises today, here are just a few...

And to really seal the deal, let's top it off with this one:

Beautiful! I would encourage you to spend some time reading Acts 27 for yourself. I am sure you will be blessed! Also, would love for you to share what promises you cling to in the comments below!

Okay, and now I want to end with something totally off topic but am super excited about! I went to Goodwill today and SCORED! Somehow, before I even walked in, I had a feeling I was going to find something good, and boy howdy......
Check
this
out....

Yeah. That's a La-Z-Boy love seat for only $50! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I don't really love the red, so I'll probably recover at some point in (hopefully) the near future! But seriously, what a steal! And it's so comfy, I'm sitting on it blogging right this very moment!

Thanks for all your prayers and words of encouragement!

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Because and Therefore

Thank you to everyone who has been lifting me up in prayer this month. I am hopefully expectant of what God is going to do in my heart. I am still trying to soak in the things I have been learning. My heart is still more empty than it is full, but I can sense the Living Water beginning to bubble inside. I'm not full - I'm still far from full - but He is pouring into me drip by drip each day. The things I write below, I am trying to preach to myself. I am trying to fill and saturate myself with Truth. Please continue to join me in praying these very specific truths into my life. And if you're reading these words as a broken, empty individual yourself, I pray that God will use this to begin to fill your heart and put the pieces back together. Please click on the links to any songs or sermons I mention, as I have found God is using them in my own life. Thanks for joining me!

I've exercised two days in a row now, and oh my, my muscles are screaming at me! But it's such a good pain. Exercising really does something for your mental health as well as your physical health. Somehow, I've even been inclined to try and eat healthier as well and bought some fruit to make smoothies!

1 frozen banana
2 large strawberries
8 blackberries
Handful of spinach
2 heaping spoonfuls plain Greek yogurt
1/4 cup milk (or enough to thin)

Combine in blender and enjoy!

I hope this month will jumpstart a new lifestyle for me of exercising regularly and taking care of my body.

I've listened to three sermons by John Piper over the last 3 days - all related to suffering. I really enjoyed today's message. I've shared with you before the Shane and Shane song "Though You Slay Me" in which they inserted an excerpt from a Piper sermon called "Do Not Lose Heart". I chose to listen to that particular one today, and I feel so blessed by it.

He preached on the passage of Scripture from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away,
our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight
momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory
beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen
but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are
transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

A few things really jumped out at me.

1. "our inner nature is being renewed day by day."

God created us in such a way that we need to be renewed every single day.
The fact that we need renewing means that our bucket leaks everyday.
Everyday we fade. Everyday we get depleted.
I can't run today's life on yesterday's newness!
In Matthew 6:34 Jesus tells us that each day has enough trouble of its own. And Lamentations 3:21 tells us that His mercies are new every morning. Today has its troubles, and today has its mercies. Tomorrow will have its troubles, and tomorrow will have its mercies!

Why did God set it up in such a way that I have to be renewed every single day?
To show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to myself! (2 Cor. 4:7)

Beautiful!

2. PAY ATTENTION to the "because's" and "therefore's" in Scripture!

SO (therefore) we do not lose heart (v. 16). Anytime you see the word "so" or "therefore" check out what came before it! There is a reason we do not lose heart!

FOR (because) this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory (v. 17). Anytime you see the word "for" or "because" check out the text around it! THIS IS THE REASON we do not lose heart!

I did a little more research around the text of these verses and found many reasons why we do not lose heart in the face of trials and suffering. Here they are...

• I am a jar of clay - I was created to crack and leak in order for God's glory and power to be displayed (2 Cor. 4:7)
• I'm not supposed to be able to handle this on my own (2 Cor. 1:9)
• I will not be crushed - by God's power (2 Cor. 4:8)
• I will not be driven to despair - by God's power (2 Cor. 4:8)
• I will not be forsaken - by God's power (2 Cor. 4:9)
• I will not be destroyed - by God's power (v. 9)
• The life of Jesus will be shown in my life through this (vv. 10-11)
• I will be raised with Jesus and brought into His presence (v. 14)
• God is glorified (v. 15)
• I am being prepared for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (v. 17)
• I look to the unseen, to the eternal (v. 18)

Why do I not lose heart? Because GOD.
God is my strength.
He has the surpassing power.
He is glorified.
He has greater things planned that I can't see right now.

If I do not look to what is seen, which is really hard, I will not lose heart. But the very second I allow my focus to settle on the fact that I lost my mom. My mom is gone. My mom won't be with me in the delivery room someday. I can't call my mom. I can't text my mom. I won't see my mom in her office at work anymore. I can't hear my mom's voice. The very second I focus on these things - I lose heart. But the very second I focus on the unseen, that God has a greater purpose and that His surpassing power is at work within me and that He is preparing for me an eternal weight of glory that is beyond all comparison... I will not lose heart.

This doesn't mean that I will never miss her.
This doesn't mean that I will never be sad.
This doesn't mean that the hole in my heart is gone.
This doesn't mean that I'm perfectly okay.

But what it does mean, is that my joy can never be stolen because my hope is not placed in anything here on this earth. My hope and my joy are found in Christ. This earth is temporary. These trials are light and momentary in comparison to eternity and the joy we will experience there.

Last thing! Here are a couple resources Piper mentioned in the sermon I listened to yesterday (That We Might Gain Christ). I haven't read these books yet, but I plan to and wanted to share them with anyone who might be walking through a difficult season. And if you have read either of them, I would love to hear from you what you think about it!

Click here to purchase

Click here to purchase

Okay, I think that's all for today! Thank you for your prayers!

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Hope of the Glory of God

"Though he slay me, I will hope in him."
Job 13:15

It's only officially Day 1 (since it's Monday) of my time off from work, and I feel like the Lord has spoken so much into my heart today. I don't even know where to begin right now. I feel like my heart and my mind are overflowing with some hard convictions and precious Truth.

I decided to listen to a sermon by John Piper about suffering. I quickly found a sermon series he preached back in 1992 entitled, "Called to Suffer and Rejoice". It is a 4-week series and the first one is called, "For Holiness and Hope".

He is speaking from the angle of suffering for Christ in the cause of carrying the Gospel to the world, but his message can be easily applied to any form of suffering or tribulation you may be walking through.

I am not going to walk through or summarize the message. If you would like to listen to it you can CLICK HERE - I would highly recommend to anyone who may be walking through a difficult season. I do want to talk about some things the Lord has revealed to my heart today.

So often, we beg and plead with the Lord to give us the most comfortable life possible. I don't know that I can put it any better than Laura Story put it in her song "Blessings":

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family
Protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering

These aren't bad things to pray for. I mean, hello, I prayed for healing for my Mom for almost 2 solid years. I begged and pleaded with Him to not take her from me. Why? Because I love my Mom, and I wanted her here with me. I wanted her to be here when the day comes that I find out I'm pregnant. I wanted her to be by my side in the delivery room. I wanted my children to know their G-ma. I wanted to be able to call her when I'm bored. I wanted to be able to text her pictures of my newest redecorating projects. I just wanted my Mom here with me. When I pictured my life without her, it was the most unbearable thing I could imagine. I wanted comfort. I wanted God to receive glory through Him performing a miracle in her healing - the easy way for me to give Him glory. It's easy to give Him glory when He gives us what we ask for. But it is hard to give Him glory when our dreams are broken and crushed and shattered. I knew He was going to receive glory either way - either in her healing or in the healing of my broken heart. But I was really hoping for the former. Why? Because it would have been much easier than this.

"Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"
Job 2:10

It's easy to receive good. It's easy to receive the answers to our prayers when they provide us with comfort and peace. But what about when God says, "I have something else in mind. I have something greater for you than the easy road."

It isn't bad to pray for healing. It isn't bad to pray for blessings, for peace and for protection. But it is bad to put your hope in these things. God doesn't promise the easy road. But He does promise His Spirit. He promises to never leave us or forsake us.

I've written lately about my struggle to find joy. Something God revealed to me today is how much hope I was putting in comfort, in the easy road. Since I'm not walking the easy road, I don't have joy. As a Christian, this should not be so! For His Word says, "...we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:2b. We rejoice in hope. Hope is not something now. Hope points to something that lies ahead. "Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:24-25. I want my joy now. And I can have that joy - but my joy is to be found in HOPE - NOT in the things and comforts of this world - not in the healing of my Mom from cancer. Even though she was not healed here, I can still rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

We are not created for this world. We are not meant to be comfortable and satisfied here. This place is temporary. The pain we experience here points us to our longing for something greater.

John Piper prayed these words over his congregation, and I now pray these same words for myself and for you:

"God, take out other hopes that are squeezing
away hope in the glory of God, and replace
those hopes with the glory of yourself."

I am begging God to change my perspective. Up until today, I have felt cheated and stolen from, wronged and short-changed. I am still battling these feelings. But I am desperate for God to do a work in my heart. To help me see the grander purpose in all this. That this life is not about me and my comfort. I do not want to only receive "good" from God, but I want to receive hardship as well. I want my joy to be found in the hope of His glory. I want my life to count for something far greater than the here and now. I want to stop thinking I deserve more than what He's already given me. I want to be thankful for what I have but not place my hope in any of it.

Piper ended his sermon with this, and through my own suffering, I want to hear God say:

"I have a godly purpose for you, and it's a soul-work that, in my eyes, is so much more important than you were up to. Don't complain. Receive the blessing of my hand. I am going to make you gold."

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

A Time to Heal

There is a time for everything. And I want to so desperately believe that now is my time to heal. I'm about to spend some time really focusing on taking care of myself. These past two months I have just been going, going, going and I finally realized I am on "empty." Completely empty. I have nothing left to give to anyone else but myself. I am excited to say that I have been so graciously given the opportunity to take off the entire month of March from work to simply focus on myself. What?! Yes. I am so thankful for the people that God has put in my life who care about me and my well-being to allow me this time off. It really is such a blessing and a breath of fresh air!

My counselor has given me a strict list of things I need to do with my time off. The last thing I want to do is sit around my house and mope with nothing to do. I plan to be very intentional with my time. Here are the things my counselor told me to include in my days:

- Exercise daily - my Mom will be beaming from ear-to-ear when she looks down and sees me step foot in a gym.
- Eat nutritional meals (which will include a lot of planning, preparing and cooking - I'm sure my husband will love this part!)
- Rest - and that includes naps! Oh I can so do that, Doc.
- Spend time digging into God's Word and in prayer

I think those are all the main things. I really am so excited and thankful for this time that lies ahead of me. I'm even excited about going to the gym and working out! I don't know that I have ever said those words in my lifetime. But yeah, I'm pretty pumped!

There is part of me that is afraid to expect too much from this time. My biggest dream and hope would be that come the end of March that my spirit would be completely refreshed and filled and ready to take on whatever else may lie ahead. But then there is this little, evil voice that keeps whispering to me, "There is no way you can fully heal in a month's time. You are still going to be a wreck and just as empty as when you started. You can't expect God to fill and restore you in just one month." Uuuggghh. I hate that voice. I hate that voice.

My spirit wants to believe that God is able. My heart wants to expect this glorious restoration that the title of my blog proclaims. But right behind my hope is fear. Immediately following my expectations is doubt. It is such an ugly battle.

Will you please join me this month in prayer? I cannot do this on my own. It is very humbling to ask people to commit to pray for you. Because as I do, my mind rushes with hundreds of other problems in the world that are so much bigger than my own. But I am still desperate enough that I am going to ask. Will you commit to pray for me everyday through the month of March? I need your prayers. I want to believe that God can heal me and restore me in this month.

Here are some specifics:

1. That I would again believe all of God's promises in Scripture. Here are a few that I want to believe for myself:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (I love that the ESV uses the word "wholeness" here. I want to believe that my broken, shattered heart will be made whole again!)

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

"Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:2-5

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:5

2. That the lies of the enemy would be crushed. "This is never going to get better. You are never going to be okay again. You are alone. You have been wronged and stolen from. Look at everyone else who still has their moms - you will never have that again."

3. That my spirit would be restored. (Psalm 23:3)

4. That God would fill me and equip me with everything good that I may do His will. (Hebrews 13:20-21)

5. That I can begin to choose joy every single day. According to Kay Warren, "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things."

Thank you for your prayers - for the ones that have already been going up on my behalf, and for the ones still yet to come. I couldn't keep going without them.

I feel it is appropriate to end with this song - proclaiming the truth that GOD IS ABLE. He is bigger than all my hopes and dreams, and He alone is able to heal and restore this broken and crushed spirit of mine.

"God is Able" by Hillsong

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Raise Your Voice

Did you know there are 27 million men, women and
children trapped in slavery around the world today?

There are only a few hours left in the day, but will you join me and put a red X on your hand and speak up for the millions who are suffering this very moment?

www.enditmovement.com

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

My Life in Three Songs

I'm really hoping it won't get much worse than it is right now. I mean really. This is the pits. But I won't carry on too much about this.

I thought I would let you into my world of music a little bit. Three songs have been my theme. In a time when I just don't feel like singing. When it seems impossible to rejoice. When I feel completely exhausted by 9:00am and the sky is never blue in my eyes.

I have three songs in a playlist entitled "Worn" that I created on Spotify. Yes, only three songs. Here they are...

1. "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North
(for some reason the embedded videos aren't showing up on mobile devices, so you can click on the titles and it will take you to the YouTube video)

2. "Reason to Sing" by All Sons & Daughters

3. "Grace is Sufficient" by Shane & Shane

*Disregard the first 18 seconds of this song... I've never understood why they started it with the funky little guitar/piano jig. I honestly don't like that part at all, and it sounds nothing like the rest of the song. So don't be turned off by those first few seconds.

I'm worn. I'm searching for a reason to sing. And literally, the only thing I can hear from my God right now is Him saying, "My grace is sufficient for you."

Through gritted teeth...
"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Tell a College Student!

Okay, this is a post that is outside my normal line of content, but it's something I'm pretty pumped about, and it's geared toward all you college students out there! Or to parents of college students or to anyone who knows a college student :)

My husband just started going back to school in January and is taking a couple prerequisites so he can hopefully begin nursing school this coming June! Woohoo! Here's a picture of him just because I think he is so darn cute...

Look. At. Him.

Okay, so really, I wish I had known about this awesome gig back when I was in college. I always felt like buying textbooks should be illegal because of how expensive they are, and then how jipped you feel when you sell them back for basically $0.02 each. Wah wah.

I had no idea you could RENT textbooks for way cheaper from www.CampusBookRentals.com
Here are a few of the perks when you rent through this website:
-save 40-90% off of bookstore prices - whoa!
-free shipping both ways - holla!
-can highlight in the textbooks
-flexible renting periods
-they donate to Operation Smile w/each textbook rented - who doesn't love giving to a good cause?!

If you want to see exactly how it works, watch the video below:

Already bought textbooks for this semester? Check this out!! I remember talking with my friends in college about wishing there was a way college students could come together and just swap their textbooks with each other without going back through the book store... well, I think my dreams have finally come true in a little bit of a different form. 

Campus Book Rentals recently launched a new program called RentBack - a new initiative that allows students to rent the textbooks you own to other students... which is awesome because it makes you 2-4 times more money compared to what you would make through buyback options! (selling your books back at the end of the semester) Um, OKAY! Yeah. I'm so in.

So when it comes time for my husband to buy/rent books for nursing school, I'm prrrreetttyyyy sure this is the route we will be taking! Spread the word to a college student! :)