I finally allowed myself to be sad. Since the day my mom went Home, I've been very busy and very surrounded by people - which has been good, but I've found it to be odd how "okay" I have been. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the "okay"-ness, fully relating it to God's grace, but I haven't allowed myself the time or the solitude to grieve. Since church was cancelled yesterday and our offices are closed today due to snow and strangely arctic temperatures, I decided this would be a good time to stop being so busy and preoccupied, and allow myself to remember.
I took time to remember my sweet momma, my best friend.
I scrolled through old pictures of us on Facebook, thinking back to
when things were "normal," before she was diagnosed and I thought she
would be by my side forever. She was so full of life. She was
adventurous. She loved seeking a good thrill. One of my favorite things
to do with her was going to Six Flags in Arlington, Texas. Oh man, those
of you who knew my mom know how much she loved roller coasters.
And she knew that place like the back of her hand. I can picture her
muscular, little bow-legged body speed walking, weaving back and forth
through the crowds so we could enjoy as many rides as possible from open
to close. A day at Six Flags was serious business, and she knew how to
do it well.
favorite memory with my mom was when my brother and I both graduated
college, and the three of us went sky diving together. What? YES. My mom
jumped out of an airplane with us. I mean really, do you see why I love
her so much???
My heart misses her so much.
has felt good to finally allow myself to simply be sad and miss my mom.
But even in the sadness, my heart still rejoices. I am thankful to know
that I do "not grieve as others do who have no hope." (1 Thessalonians
4:13). This is not the end! We will not be separated forever. I so look
forward to the day when we will be reunited in the presence of our
Savior. My heart aches and longs for that day more than ever before!
Come quickly, Lord Jesus. Come quickly.
"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."