Saturday, August 20, 2016

Not What We Had Hoped

After an exhausting day of appointments, I just needed to rest.. Thank you everyone for your prayers. We did not receive the news we were hoping for. All is still the same with our Lucy's heart. Plus an additional complication that will require me to go twice a week to have her heart rate monitored. Prayers for continued strength on this weary journey. Prayers for wisdom as we have some decisions to make concerning where we will deliver and where Lucy's care will be. Just prayers for grace and mercy. My momma heart hurts deeply. I want to hold my baby girl in my arms when she is born. To know that she is healed and whole. We are disappointed. We are human. It will take a bit to get back on my feet. Just continued prayers please. #prayforLucyLion

Friday, August 19, 2016

Ultrasound Day!

It's ultrasound day! We are on our way to Little Rock now. Our appointment is at 1:30. Would you please take a moment to pause and join us in praying these verses over this day.

"You have given him his heart's desire and have not withheld the request of his lips." Psalm 21:2

"Be exalted, O Lord, in your strength! We will sing and praise your power." Psalm 21:13

"May He grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans! ...May the Lord fulfill all your petitions." Psalm 20:4-5

"He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters... He brought me out into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me." Psalm 18:16,19

"Wondrously show your steadfast love..." Psalm 17:7

"The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer." Psalm 6:9

"So the realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet, for his God gave him rest all around." 2 Chronicles 20:30

"In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand you." 2 Chronicles 20:6

"...but only say the word, and my servant will be healed." Matthew 8:8

"Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's." 2 Chronicles 20:15

"He who fashions the hearts of them all..." Psalm 33:15

"For He spoke, and it came to be; He commanded, and it stood firm." Psalm 33:9


Wednesday, August 10, 2016

What If He Doesn't

I don't have any updates on Lucy yet. Our next ultrasound will be next Friday, August 19th at UAMS in Little Rock. We are specifically praying that God will heal her heart and that we will see a miracle at that appointment and the doctors will be utterly confused and amazed!

As we have had more time to process Lucy's diagnosis, I find myself, for the most part, having peace and fully trusting God and His healing power. But I would by lying if I said paralyzing fear never creeps in. It is a daily battle. And some days, it has been a losing battle on my end.

This waiting period is so difficult. It's hard not to let my mind wonder to the moment when she is born and let all the scary, potential outcomes play out. I so desperately long for our baby girl to be born fully healed with a heart that functions at 100%. I believe God can do it.

My biggest fear is, "What if He doesn't?"

This is my biggest fear because this is the road I've been walking since December 2013 - when my family and I entered into the "What if He doesn't?" When we prayed and prayed and begged for healing for my mom from cancer. We knew He could do it. But He didn't.

My walk with the Lord has been a struggle ever since. Yes, as time has gone on, the day-to-day has gotten, I guess, "easier." But I still struggle with lies straight from the stupid enemy.

I would say that, yes, for the most part my heart has continued to heal. Truth prevails more than the lies. I know God is good. I know God is faithful. I believe and I proclaim that He works all things together for our good and for His glory. I know He loves me. I know He hasn't forgotten about me.

But sometimes, those truths are still so hard to proclaim. This road I have been walking without my mom still knocks the breath out of me at times. I still collapse on the floor (literally) at times and sob from missing her so painfully and so deeply. I'm not through the fire yet.

So this fear of "What if He doesn't" has the potential to absolutely cripple me.

I want God to show Himself powerful. I want Him to show that He is still in the business of miracles and healing. And I want this so badly because I fear for myself how I will respond if He doesn't.

I'm already so weary. So broken and tired. And to find myself in a place of praying for another miracle has the potential to open so many wounds (and at times it does open those wounds).

I cry out to God as His daughter. I beg Him to look upon me with mercy and compassion. To relent from this fire. I beg and I plead with Him to give me and my family rest from trials as He did for Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20:30 - "So the realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet, for his God gave him rest all around." He IS a good, good Father. He delights in blessing His children with good.

This may be a silly example, but just as I begged and begged and begged my parents to get me a puppy when I was 12. Even the fallen, sinful humans that they are, they gave me the puppy I so desired. I come to God in this same way. I beg and I beg and I beg Him, as His daughter, to heal my baby girl's heart. He is good - so far beyond what we can think or imagine. He is good. Oh, how I plead with Him to please heal Lucy's heart. This is our desire.

Please, as you continue to pray for healing for Lucy's heart, I ask you to pray for my heart as well. For strength each and every single day. For God to calm my fears. To rest in Him. To not let my thoughts wonder into tomorrow, but to stay in today.

Thank you for your prayers.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Prayer Cards

We are so thankful to everyone who is already praying for our dear Lucy! Thank you so much for jumping on board with us and lifting her up before the throne of our Father.

I think I have figured out a way to share a link with you that you can download the prayer cards for Lucy directly from my blog. I'm really hoping this works! I've never done it before, so bear with me.

If it doesn't work, I'll figure something else out! So let's give it a try!

If you attend FBC Cherokee Village or FBC Bentonville, we will have physical cards available for you to pick up at church. But until we have those ready, feel free to print one of your own if you'd like.

Also, to anyone who downloads and prints these cards, our hearts would be so so delighted if you would also join us in passing them out to your church congregation, Sunday school classes, friends, families, strangers... ANYONE! We truly want the whole world lifting up Lucy in prayer.

So print and share all you want!

Thank you from the deepest place in our hearts.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Prayers for Our Lucy

I haven't blogged in a very, very long time. But it's time to start blogging again. This is how I process in the midst of trials - through writing. And we have recently discovered that we are in the midst of a brand new, completely unwanted and unexpected trial.

Many of you reading this already know me personally, and I know there are many who do not know me personally, but you followed with me a while back as I was processing and grieving the loss of my Momma in 2013 to cancer. Just so you know, I am still processing and grieving. The hurt has not gone away. Everyday life has become more manageable, but I still desperately need her and miss her more than words can say.

Today, I begin the journey of processing through an entirely new season. I am 27 weeks pregnant with our precious gift from the Lord, our little girl Lucy Rae. Last week we received the news that Lucy has been diagnosed with a severe form of Ebstein's Anomaly - a heart defect that will require multiple surgeries after she is born (one before she can leave the hospital). With Lucy's case being on the more severe side, we are uncertain of her future - short term and long term.

I've learned a lot about the heart in the last 7 days, but still not enough to fully explain Ebstein's to you. For those of you who may be interested, you can click here to learn more about Lucy's condition.

We beg for your prayers. As we plead day and night like the persistent widow in Luke 18, we ask that you would join us in petitioning our great God for a miracle only He can perform. Science tells us her heart will not change. The way it developed is a done deal. Well, our God is BIGGER! He formed Lucy's heart. He is still knitting her together in my womb this very moment. If He would but speak the word, she would be healed (Matthew 8:8). In His hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand Him (2 Chronicles 20:6). Please pray for Lucy. Please pass the word along to anyone and everyone. The more who know and can pray the better. We want the whole world to watch and wait in anticipation of what our powerful God can do.

I am in the process of creating prayer cards to pass out to ANYONE who wants them. As soon as I get them finished, I would love to email you a PDF file for you to print and have for yourself. Please leave a comment with your email address and I'll send them out as soon as they are ready.

Thank you in advance for joining us in praying for Lucy!

Monday, August 24, 2015

Prayers Needed

Grief has raised its ugly head up high, and I am in desperate need of your prayers. I am struggling with longing for what life used to be and accepting what it is today.

Here is a small snippet of some thoughts I wrote down earlier:

I still love God. I know I owe him my life. He sent Jesus to die for me. I know I cannot be saved apart from Him. I need Him. I desperately need Him. I am nothing without Him. I cannot thrive in this life without Him. But I'm so angry with Him. I am in a constant war. My flesh will not give up. My spirit wants to submit. To surrender. I want to be done fighting. But my flesh is so stubborn.

From the deepest part of my soul, I miss what life used to be. More than words could ever express. I cannot explain the ache I feel inside of me. The ripped apart, gaping, bleeding, breathless, empty hole.

I feel as though all my hopes and dreams have been shattered.


Please, today, I just ask for your prayers. I need hope. I need peace, and I need joy. I need to submit my will to His. 
To those of you who have been praying for me, and to those of you who might say a short prayer in this moment, thank you.

Friday, June 26, 2015

At What Cost?

Let me start this post by saying...

I am no better than the homosexual, the murderer, the adultress, the "worst of the worst." The only difference between me and these I have listed is that I have chosen to accept God's free gift of grace. I am a sinner. My nature is bent toward rebellion. I need Jesus. I need Him, and I have surrendered my life to His Lordship. He is my Savior, and He is my Lord. Without Him, I am nothing. Without His gift of grace, I myself would be condemned to hell.

Please read on.

As I scrolled through my newsfeed on Facebook today, I was very saddened to read posts of responses to gay marriage being legalized in our country. But my sadness is toward one very specific group of people - Christians who are supportive and happy about the direction of our nation.

What I'm going to say here will make many very angry with me. But I can no longer stay silent on this issue.

Christians, what we are dealing with here is so much bigger than same-sex marriage.

Here's the thing... This earth is temporary, and along with it, every earthly happiness. I understand that we want to see people be happy, but at what cost?

1. Homosexuality is sin.
Romans 1:26-28 "For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done."

2. Christians cannot continue in a lifestyle of sin.
1 John 3:6 "No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him."

How can we, as Christians, applaud our government on this decision to legalize same-sex marriage? According to Scripture, one who keeps on sinning, walking in a lifestyle of sin, has neither seen Jesus or known Him. Therefore, someone who chooses to enter into marriage with someone of the same sex is choosing to enter into a lifestyle of sin.

Therefore, this person does not know Jesus and will be condemned to an eternity in hell.

Many will cry "HATE SPEECH" at that sentence. No. That is "Truth speech" and I say it with all the love of Jesus I can. My heart is broken over this.

Listen, I want people to be happy, too, but not at the cost of eternity.

 My brothers and sisters, that is what we are dealing with here. The eternity of souls. Earthly, temporary happiness fades in comparison.

I sin every single day. Since becoming a mother, I have seen my own depravity in a whole new light. I struggle with sin. If I chose to give into sin and experienced no conviction over it, but sinned with a carefree attitude all my life, this would be evidence that I have never seen Jesus, nor do I know Him, and I would be condemned to an eternity in hell myself.

Homosexuality is not the only "lifestyle of sin" that condemns the soul to hell. This "lifestyle of sin" can take many different forms. The key here all goes back to 1 John 3:6. Christians cannot continue in sin - whether that be homosexuality, idolatry, greed, pride, etc.

Christians, I ask that you would reconsider your stance on this issue. Please realize it is so much bigger than temporary happiness on this temporary earth.

I realize the world hates Christians for this hard message. But remember the words of Jesus: "If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." John 15:18-19

I end with this...

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." John 3:16-17

The world gets the words to those verses mixed up. I think they read it this way...

"For God did not send his Son into the world to save the world, but in order that the world might be condemned through him."

Jesus did not come to condemn the world. He came that we may have life and have it abundantly.

Although this is a difficult message and a sad day in America, I still say...

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."