Thursday, December 26, 2013

My Mom, My Best Friend

I lost my best friend today. My precious Momma is no longer sick. She is walking with our Savior and living in the presence of Jesus this very moment.

It all seems so surreal right now. I am thankful the Lord was gracious to give us a heads up before this all took place. A month and a half ago we learned that her disease was, indeed, terminal. From that moment on we all became very intentional with our time with her. It's sad to think that's what it takes to be sure we take the time to let our loved ones know just how much we really love them. But I'm so thankful God allowed us to do that.

Two and a half weeks ago was when she had a heart attack. The words "this is the beginning of the end" immediately started flashing through my head as I drove her to the emergency room, but I didn't say that to anyone until my brother called. He said he had just told Jenna he felt like this was "the beginning of the end." I think that was God's way of preparing us that the "end" really was near.

These past two weeks, I spent every single waking moment right by her side. There was nowhere else I would have rather been. I'm thankful to have a job that allowed me to take as much time as I needed. I can honestly say I have no regrets about her last days. I kissed her, hugged her, stared at her, sat by her, told her I love her and stayed as close as I could. I told her how much I would miss her. I told her everything I loved doing with her. I told her we would all be okay. Every night I left I told her, "You are my sunshine." A few times I sang the whole song to her - it's been "our song" ever since I was a little girl.

Last night, our last night with her, couldn't have been more perfect. As she lay there in her bed sleeping, my family and I gathered around her bed and prayed that the Lord would come quickly. She's been waiting for this moment with much anticipation for the past two weeks. She's been more than ready. Impatient actually! So we asked the Author of life to look upon His sweet daughter with compassion and take her into His arms. In the quiet of her room we sang "Amazing Grace" - one of her favorite songs. And before we left the room, I knelt beside her one last time and sang in her ear those sweet words:

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You'll never know, Mom
How much I love you
Please don't take
My sunshine away

I don't even know how to describe how today has been. I am so thankful for my family. I don't know if we are all walking around in shock or a massive bubble of grace. Or maybe a little of both. I know the hardest days are to come - after her Celebration Service when we have to get back to daily life. But for now I will simply take it a day at a time.

There's already a huge hole in my heart that no one can ever fill. Only Jesus. I miss her so much. I love her with all my heart. All I can ask for is your prayers. This is going to be a long journey with lots of ups and downs. I am thankful that His grace is sufficient. We are all going to so desperately need it.



 
"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

27 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for letting us know. She's not suffering anymore. She's with Jesus....and that's where she longed to be. I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of ya'll during this time. This breaks my heart....but she's definitely better off. It's going to be hard but I know God will give you all the strength to get through each day. Always keep Christ first and keep the faith.

    P.S. Their having a belated birthday celebration up in heaven. How awesome is that?! :) :)

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  2. I am so sorry for your loss! May God comfort you and bring you peace!!!

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  3. Love you precious girl... your sweet Mom heard every last word and every whispered song. I can not tell you how thankful I am that you (Bryan and Tony) were able to share in these incredibly priceless moments with your Mother. * And thank you for this blog * Her legacy is gloriously shining through... in this very moment... and will be a help mate to many. xx With much love, Aunt Kim

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  4. It will be hard-all the firsts, a new normal... but your mom will not be forgotten. She impacted so many lives-from loving on babies to teaching us how to handle death. I can only hope and pray to have a portion of the grace, dignity, faith, and the ability to communicate God's love and faithfulness when, not if, I face a trial.

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  5. Jordan so many prayers are going up for you and your family. I've come to really love your Mom over the last couple of years as I read her blog. Janet has touched my life and God has used her to touch so many lives. I will be praying for you I know how close you and your Mom were.

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  6. Oh, bless your precious heart! When my Mom died 5 years ago this month a dear lady said to me, "you will get through this but you will never get over it." That is so true! So thankful you have such precious memories and your Godly Mom. I am sorry that I never had the privilege of knowing her personally, but am blessed to have known her through her blog. My prayers are with you as you adjust to life without her. Hugs!

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  7. Covering you and your precious family in prayers, Jordan. I started reading your mom's blog after Kelly mentioned it in her blog. I fell in love with your mom and her positive, inspirational outlook. I have been amazed at the grace that she was able to show and how she did actually seem impatient for her Father to greet her with His open arms.
    May His grace continue to surround all of you.

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  8. Praying for you ......there are no other words

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  9. Sorry for your loss.One could never imagine how you're feeling except you.

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  10. I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend you Mom! I was shopping today and found a print with the last line your mom always had on her blog posts. I will hang it in my bedroom a reminder of her and her faith and love of life and the Lord, hoping to meet one day in Heaven. Keeping you and your family in my prayers. michelle

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  11. It's amazing how much your mom has touched my life even though I've never even met or spoken to her. She was a true gift to the world. My heart hurts for y'all and the sadness you must feel, but I know there is some joy in there as well like you mentioned, knowing her suffering is over and she is with our Savior. Such a bittersweet feeling. I'm praying for you and your family in the coming days, months, years, etc etc.

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  12. Praying for your family during this time. You don't know me, but I have had your mom on my heart and mind for the last two weeks when the Critical blog post was posted. We prayed for her and your family in our Sunday School class and i checked the blog a lot lately to see an update. I am so glad that she is no longer in pain. i pray that your mom's legacy lives on.

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  13. I am so sorry for your loss, I do not know you but I discovered your beautiful family and mother through Kelly's Korner. Sitting here with tears streaming down my face…praying for peace and strength in the coming days and weeks. Thank you for sharing such sweet moments that you were able to share with your precious mother, praying for you!

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  14. What a beautiful post... so glad you all have the peace &assurance of where your mom is. Lifting you up in prayers!

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  15. I am thinking of you and your family during this very difficult time. Huge hug from VA!

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  16. Hey Jordan,

    Like many others I found your mom's blog through Kelly. I have been praying for y'all and will continue to do so. I just cannot imagine what this feels like. We are about the same age and got married around the same time. I just feel so deeply for you and your loss. Praying for His grace, mercy, and strength.

    You are surrounded in prayer! Meg

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  17. I feel your pain and loss. My dear mother also lost the nearly 3 year fight to ovarian cancer back in 1998. I also was able to spend the last 2 weeks with her at home, and I would not have given that up for anything. I still miss her, but I have the joy of knowing that I will see her again someday.

    Praying for you and your family that God will wrap His loving and comforting arms around you throughout the days ahead.

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  18. Your perspective on Christmas and life will never be the same. I was sitting at my mother's side holding her hand when Jesus and the angels came for her 6 years ago. I knew I was in the presence of Holiness. The next few days, weeks and months were tough for all six of her adult children but I just kept being reminded that she was seeing Jesus and His beauty before I was. You have the same promise. Hug and pray lots and you'll be OK. Thank you for sharing her beautiful story with your readers.

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  19. I sat here and cried reading this. How precious to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to your mom - something special between the two of you. I will be praying for you and your family. With love - Kathy

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  20. Jordan,
    You don't know me. I have followed your moms blog for two years. I am so thankful she is with Jesus, but my heart is sad for you. I pray God will continue to pour his peace on you and your family. May you remember your momma well and continue the legacy she has left behind.

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  21. Jordan, you don't know me. I went to Junior high and High school with your mom. She and I sat in the flute section of the band together. I am a pastor in Ohio now so I have walked through death with some families. As I have followed your mom's blog and read yours today I see what a deep love you have for one another, and that you also are both people who put your trust in God. We both know that your mom is with God now and she is not suffering. Now is the time for you and your family to give thanks for her life, to grieve and to learn how you will live in a new way with your mom no longer physically present with you. I encourage you to be gentle with yourselves in these next days, weeks, and months. In time, your friends and neighbors may forget how raw your grief. Out of nowhere memories of your mom will come flooding in. Allow yourself time and space to give thanks for her life when you need it. I know you will put your trust in God. I will be praying for you.

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    1. What comforting words for Jordan. Cheri, you surely have brought a gentle peace to Jordan and her family with your assurance and almost the permission to grieve, which some people are denied by others when offering condolences. I enjoyed your words of hope and my mother died 6 years ago. Thank you for sharing.

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  22. Jordan, you don't know me but I started following your mom's journey from the beginning. I lost my mom 22 years ago and she was my best friend. The grief overwhelmed me at times but I kept remembering the lines of people at the funeral who started conversations with me by saying I know God because of your mom, or your mom taught my daughter's third grade class and we got to know her and she shared her witness and now my whole family are believers and love The Lord. That was my hope, my encouragement, my example. I wanted to live my life for God and touch lives just like my mom. You can do this. It is not easy and not quick but you can do it. One of the best pieces of advice was from another "motherless daughter" a good friend shared that it took a long time to heal from the loss of her mom and I shouldn't worry if it took years (it did) it is a journey. I still miss her although it's different now. So many things she didn't get to see her grandchildren graduate college, get married, have children of their own. Lean on the prayers of the believers who are lifting you and your family. Give yourself permission to take it a day at a time and most of all celebrate the years you had your mom and the amazing love you shared for family, friends and Jesus. I pray God's peace now and in the coming days.

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  23. Hi Jordan,

    Probably like many others, I found your blog via Kelly's Korner. I've been praying so specifically for you and your family, in addition to your Mom. I In February 2012, I went through a very similar situation except my mom got to begin her eternal life because of colorectal cancer. She was my best friend just like your mom was yours and reading your blog makes me think of my relationship with my mom. I know that our Jesus will give you exactly what you need for every step of the days ahead. With much love from a sister in Christ just outside of Atlanta, GA.

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  24. I'm another person who was extremely touched by your Mom thru her blog. Please keep writing, sweet Jordan. I will keep praying for you. One day at a time, and sometimes it's one minute at a time......know you are loved and not alone. xo

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  25. Hi Jordan,

    I found your blog via Kelly's Korner like so many others. My Mom entered her eternal life 8/6/12 & I miss her everyday. She was my best friend & reading your posts are like reading my own thought from that time. My Mom suffered a possible stroke which left her w/o oxygen for about 20 minutes She was in a coma for almost a month before God called her home. You are in my thoughts & prayers as is your entire family. Give yourself time & be gentle to yourself. Much love from NJ

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