My momma has been rejoicing in heaven for a day and a half now. It's so strange to think that she's really gone. I don't know if it's really sunk in yet. But for now I am thankful that today has been a good day. I do not want to fret about the days ahead. I am thankful His grace has been sufficient for today.
Gosh, my mom was such an amazing example of faith. There aren't words to accurately describe who she was and how she lived her life. (And can I just say it's so strange to speak about her in past tense?!) But she glorified the Lord until her final breath. And even after her final breath she delivered a challenge to me. The shirt she was wearing when she passed was from a Mom's retreat we held at our church last year, and on it were written the words, "Rise up, take courage." How appropriate. In the weeks leading up to her passing, I felt as though my heart was melting within me. I depended on her so much. I felt like I just followed along in her shadow, letting her take the lead in everything we did together, letting her handle conversations with people we ran into while running errands, sitting beside her at all the women's luncheons that I was vicariously invited to through her... She was always the "Chatty Cathy" while I've always been a little more reserved. But now with her gone, I feel as though it's my turn to stand up. To rise up. To be courageous. I no longer have her shadow to hide in. People who once looked to her will now look to me. I feel so honored to be her daughter. I feel honored to carry her legacy inside of me. I feel honored that I carry even some of her physical traits. I love that our feet and legs are identical. I love that we both have that silly thing called "hitchhikers thumb." And although we could never really see it for ourselves, I love that my face resembles hers. I want to make her proud. I want to be just like her. So I'll take the challenge to "Rise up, take courage."
I think I will always find myself asking, "What would Mom do in this situation?" "How would she respond?" She was the most positive person I've ever met. She did her best to never take anything for granted. If I was ever bummed about something, she would immediately begin reminding me and listing all the blessings in my life - and although in the moment I would be very annoyed with her, I'm so thankful she did this. She was also such a prayer warrior - in the grandest of circumstances and even in the tiniest details. If I ever lost anything and searched and searched for it to no avail, she would always ask, "Have you prayed and asked God to help you find it?" And sure enough, God would always help me find what I was looking for.
She was such a precious gift. Twenty-five years was not near long enough with her. But I thank God he let me have her. If I had the choice, I would go back and take the same twenty-five years with her again over a lifetime with anyone else to fill that role. She is a jewel. Oh, how I wish to see her and hug her one more time. My heart aches to be in heaven. I am so excited for that day. But until then I will continue to rise up and take courage and make my mom proud.
"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."