My counselor has given me a strict list of things I need to do with my time off. The last thing I want to do is sit around my house and mope with nothing to do. I plan to be very intentional with my time. Here are the things my counselor told me to include in my days:
- Exercise daily - my Mom will be beaming from ear-to-ear when she looks down and sees me step foot in a gym.
- Eat nutritional meals (which will include a lot of planning, preparing and cooking - I'm sure my husband will love this part!)
- Rest - and that includes naps! Oh I can so do that, Doc.
- Spend time digging into God's Word and in prayer
I think those are all the main things. I really am so excited and thankful for this time that lies ahead of me. I'm even excited about going to the gym and working out! I don't know that I have ever said those words in my lifetime. But yeah, I'm pretty pumped!
There is part of me that is afraid to expect too much from this time. My biggest dream and hope would be that come the end of March that my spirit would be completely refreshed and filled and ready to take on whatever else may lie ahead. But then there is this little, evil voice that keeps whispering to me, "There is no way you can fully heal in a month's time. You are still going to be a wreck and just as empty as when you started. You can't expect God to fill and restore you in just one month." Uuuggghh. I hate that voice. I hate that voice.
My spirit wants to believe that God is able. My heart wants to expect this glorious restoration that the title of my blog proclaims. But right behind my hope is fear. Immediately following my expectations is doubt. It is such an ugly battle.
Will you please join me this month in prayer? I cannot do this on my own. It is very humbling to ask people to commit to pray for you. Because as I do, my mind rushes with hundreds of other problems in the world that are so much bigger than my own. But I am still desperate enough that I am going to ask. Will you commit to pray for me everyday through the month of March? I need your prayers. I want to believe that God can heal me and restore me in this month.
Here are some specifics:
1. That I would again believe all of God's promises in Scripture. Here are a few that I want to believe for myself:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (I love that the ESV uses the word "wholeness" here. I want to believe that my broken, shattered heart will be made whole again!)
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
"Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:2-5
"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:5
2. That the lies of the enemy would be crushed. "This is never going to get better. You are never going to be okay again. You are alone. You have been wronged and stolen from. Look at everyone else who still has their moms - you will never have that again."
3. That my spirit would be restored. (Psalm 23:3)
4. That God would fill me and equip me with everything good that I may do His will. (Hebrews 13:20-21)
5. That I can begin to choose joy every single day. According to Kay Warren, "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things."
Thank you for your prayers - for the ones that have already been going up on my behalf, and for the ones still yet to come. I couldn't keep going without them.
I feel it is appropriate to end with this song - proclaiming the truth that GOD IS ABLE. He is bigger than all my hopes and dreams, and He alone is able to heal and restore this broken and crushed spirit of mine.
"God is Able" by Hillsong
"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."