Sunday, August 24, 2014

Moving Toward Acceptance

The Lord has been working an overhaul on my heart the past couple of weeks. As many of you saw, my last post was very raw. I shared with you the questions that had been tearing at my heart, the lies that had been clawing at my mind and the emotions that followed. A raging mess is what I called it. I then proceeded to share with you how I felt like the Lord was beginning to bring me to a place of desiring rest and quiet in His presence.

I'm still moving in this process, but the Lord is slowly bringing me to a place of acceptance. I am finally realizing that the fighting and the flailing and the asking questions and the demanding answers and the anger and the frustration are all so exhausting. Wouldn't it be much better to simply surrender? I think I finally want to throw my hands up and just say, "I'm done." I'm done fighting and flailing. I'm done demanding answers. I'm done clawing at the dirt. I want to wash my hands, remove all the dirt from under my fingernails, and just lay down at His feet. I just want to rest.

I can't say it any better than Phillip Keller in his book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23:

   Again and again I remind myself, "O God, this seems terribly tough, but I know for a fact that in the end it will prove to be the easiest and gentlest way to get me onto higher ground." Then when I thank him for the difficult things, the dark days, I discover that He is there with me in my distress. At that point my panic, my fear, my misgivings give way to calm and quiet confidence in His care. Somehow, in a serene quiet way I am assured all will turn out for my best because He is with me in the valley and things are under His control.
   To come to this conviction in the Christian life is to have entered into an attitude of quiet acceptance of every adversity. It is to have moved onto higher ground with God. Knowing Him in this new and intimate manner makes life much more bearable than before.

A quiet acceptance of every adversity. This is one of the biggest things I have had to learn the past couple of weeks. I've found that I have had pretty high (aka normal) expectations of what I thought life should look like.

I thought my mom and Tony would grow old together.
I thought my mom would be with me when I give birth to our first baby.
I thought my mom would be around to help me raise our baby.
I thought my mom and I would always be able to get pedicures together.
I thought my mom and I would always be able to share lunch together.
I thought my mom would be here. Period.
I guess I thought.... things would be easy.

Yes, those are only expectations that included my mom. My mom was a BIG part of my world. Without my mom here, life looks NOTHING like I ever imagined it to be. So with that being said, I've decided it really isn't worth it to get my panties in a wad when other things don't turn out the way I want.

I want to simply accept my lot in life and trust that God has it under His control.

My brain is so tired from writing this post. I have written and erased so many sentences and paragraphs trying to voice where exactly the Lord is leading me and what He is teaching me. I can't think anymore at the moment, so I'm going to wrap it up with a happy picture of my growing bump...

We find out in 6 days if Baby Street is a boy or girl! Be on the lookout for that exciting announcement!

"This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."


  1. Oh, Jordan, I want to just reach out and give you a big hug. I was much older than you when I lost my Mom but she died very suddenly of a massive stroke. I was devastated beyond words and it took me almost 5 years to wrap my head around the fact that she was gone. So, I can relate to all the adjusting you are facing, it's just plain hard. And, I'm so glad that you are reading "A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm." Someone gave it to me when my Mom died and it ministered to me in such a wonderful way. Blessings abundant to you as you continue to adjust to a "new normal." Hugs!

  2. Jordan you are just too precious and beautiful!! And now entering into motherhood!!! A new beginning that you both will so enjoy! So exciting!!

  3. my heart hurts for you, sweet Jordan. it just breaks. I desperately wish I could hop in the car, drive to Arkansas, & give you a great big hug & tell you how hard I've prayed for you & how many tears I've cried over you. since that's easier said than done, I'll stick with praying.
    it will get easier. I promise. I know you've heard that a million times, but it's so true. God will never leave you where He leads you. He led you through this journey for some reason that we may never know this side of heaven, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that God will be right by your side through the end. He'll give you that peace & acceptance you need. it'll take time, but it will happen.
    you are such a remarkable, incredibly strong woman. your unwavering faith in the midst of this storm makes me aspire to be like you. I am absolutely in awe, & always looks forward to your blog posts. I so wish I could take a away your pain, but at the same time, I'm kinda thankful for this journey you've been going through. my faith has been made stronger, my courage to tell others about Jesus has been made greater, & my heart has been blessed. I started a blog because of your mama, & by doing so, I think I've gotten closer to The Lord & been more blessed than anyone who's read it. thank you for your blog, & thank you for proving to the world that, with your Savior by your side, you can get through this.
    love & hugs from Texas, sweet Jordan. ❤️
    (and can't wait to find out if Baby Street is a little man or a little lady!)

  4. Look at that little bump!!! You look great. Keep your chin up. Can't wait to hear what you're having.

  5. Your little bump is just growing!!! Hope you continue to see the Joy in your life right now and enjoy your pregnancy.